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Begin forwarded message:
From: "Pat Shumard" <pshumard@cox.net>
Date: December 19, 2014 at 3:39:16 PM CST
To: "Andrea weed" <awsimmental@gmail.com>, "Bridget" <bj3672@yahoo.com>, "Carrie Herzberg" <bherzberg@cox.net>, "Gladys Schupbach" <sissy-gms@live.com>, "J D" <jack_icthospitality@hotmail.com>, "Janet" <dawgbob@sbcglobal.net>, "Joseph Walker" <jwalker38134@msn.com>, "Joyce" <jbowers4@kc.rr.com>, "Kellie Lewis" <vetmedkl@vet.ksu.edu>, "Mary Jane" <lmeyer004@centurytel.net>, "MIKE" <mlmcarthur@yahoo.com>, "Pat A" <headbookworm@yahoo.com>, "Richard Drown" <rdrown@cox.net>, "Robert McArthur" <rsm0761@cox.net>, "sharon norton" <norton3608@yahoo.com>, "susan Cooper" <slcooper123@hotmail.com>, "tien" <tsoongtotherim@aol.com>, "Tracie Shumard" <mypeanut1218@yahoo.com>
Subject: Fw: British Humor
Guaranteed to bring a smile to you face, if not, well don't blame me!
BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE ..
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
**** And the WINNER is... ****
FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
Statement of the Century
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?">>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Children Are Quick
____________________________________
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_____________________________________________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off
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